I always wonder . . . Would you have liked me? Did we have anything in common? Were you a late-night eater? I can’t seem to get enough food after 8:00 p.m., and I have often wondered if it is the steroids talking, or maybe you enjoyed a good late night snack every now and then! That is one of the questions that everyone asks me, “Is there anything different, you know, about you? Do you think that you have a different personality now that you have someone else’s heart?” Pretty silly, isn’t it? I am pretty much the same ole me with a much more powerful ticker, and a sense of purpose and commitment to glorifying God. I know that by doing this, it would also honor you.
Sometimes I wonder if it is possible that we crossed paths in the past. This is just one of the ways my mind lingers in different directions. It amazes me that God has such an intricate plan for each of our lives, and we could not possibly put together such a purposeful plan.
I am humbled by the reality of my life continuing due to the loss of yours. What would you want me to do with my life or accomplish that would honor your legacy? Sometimes I feel a little lost, and I try to imagine what you were like, who you loved, how you lived. I know that everyone is human, but I have envisioned you as a hero. You are my hero.
My little girl, Reese, has curly red hair, long blond eyelashes, beautiful blue eyes, and a petite figure. She may be tiny, but she is mighty! Weighing in at only 3 lbs 10 ounces, she came in this world a fighter. She also has a softer side. When she looks into your eyes, you can tell how much she loves you. Sometimes she will solidify that feeling with a flick of her tongue. That has proven to be her signature sign of affection. She has quirky squeaks and a strong sensitivity to physical discomfort. I have been told that she looks exactly like me, but I don’t think that I possess the kind of sweet, vulnerable beauty that she has in her heart.
Brady is quite possibly one of the most mischievous children one could meet. He is fast, incredibly strong for his size, and lights up a room with his laugh! He seems to enjoy teasing his sister, much to her dismay. He likes to grab her beloved “baby” bear, run down the hall, stuff it behind the bed, and come out of the room like he has no idea why she is screaming. On the days he feels bold, and there are many, he simply replies with an evil cartoon voice, “You’ll never find her now! Ha Ha Ha!” He is also very bright. He can take apart and put back together just about anything, unfortunately many of my possessions have fallen victim to his ingenuity, but in the scheme of things, I am just glad he is such a happy little boy.
If it sounds like my children are exact opposites, you should meet my husband. In comparison to my personality and background, one might wonder what we would have to talk about! He is very thorough and plans for almost every purchase, trip, weekend, to the point of exhaustion (my exhaustion). I am impulsive, which can often lead to unwise decisions, but he is pretty patient with my decisive and assertive nature. I could walk into any room, and talk to anyone. Come to think about it, that is probably how I trapped him into dating me. I probably talked so much that one minute he was a single bachelor, and the next he was married with 2 children, as well as dealing with all the baggage that comes with someone on borrowed time with a bad heart. I love him, and I want you to know that he will help me take care of this precious gift that I have received from you.
I guess I will leave the details for the rest of my writing. I have been surrounded by a network of amazing people and unbelievable circumstances. Thank you for the gift of life.
Your heart always amazes me, and I hope it is ok with you that I have accepted it as my own . . . for now.
Love,
Jamie
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